My Life of Before


I'm so happy - so utterly happy,
I'm floating upon cloud nine;
But far down below,
I'm being towed into my life of before.
You don't understand the way that I was
(And I’m certain you don’t really care)
I’m yours now, the way that you want it,
Why should it matter what was?

Perhaps because deep in my subconscious sleep,
A part of me wants to be there.
It subtly hints, then flickers, then sprints,
Leaving me here with you.
I love you, I do - I'll always be true,
And yes, it's you that I want.
I try to forget about how much it meant
To be free as a bird in flight.
You clipped my wings,
And yes, it seems,
I've fallen down into your arms.

Don't misunderstand me,
You're all that I want and need and love and desire.
It's just that at times
(Such as deep in the night)
I hear a faint glimmer, or a tiny, slight whisper,
Of memories of a life long ago,
And then I remember...

Those days long ago when I was free,
Lost, but discovering me.
Spending my days wishing for a valiant prince
To help me escape society;
And my nights were filled with tortured souls
Never finding an end to our loneliness.
We drank wine and beer in an attempt to cheer
The fear in our hearts of dying alone.

I know you're aware of my darker nature,
But you tend to ignore the signs:
Glassy eyes, wild smile, a desire to run far from here.
Come run with me,
We'll be savage and free,
And life will be as it was.

Kandace Blevin 4/15/91


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