Thoughts of the Future and the Past

Kandace and Heather
I am sitting in my room listening to my niece singing gustily and loudly to Rory The Racing Car and I am reminded of her mother.

Heather was always singing and acting, whether there was a stage or not! Sarah was named for my mother, but she is my sister reincarnate. I happened across a picture of my sister and I last night, and Sarah looked so much like her.

It is funny that growing up, one of the reasons that Heather frustrated me so much was that she never took my advice or let me help her. She threw herself into her friendships, then was so heartbroken when they hurt her. Now, in so many ways, I am reliving this with her daughter. Sarah is strong-willed and dramatic and only pays attention to you when she wants. I find myself making the comparisons all too often.

Last night, I organized and consolidated a couple of my cookbooks into one large tome. I use it so often nowadays, that I needed to make it easier to navigate. There are still some things I need to fine tune, but it occurred to me that one day my daughter, Lexii, may want this book. She told me this morning that right now, the only appreciation she has for cooking is eating what I prepare, yet I know one day, she will marry and want to prepare holiday meals and parties. My son actually cooks, as well. Perhaps it will be he that gets my book.

What is interesting about cooking, though, is that it isn’t something you can follow the directions specifically and make something magical. Yes, it will turn out in most cases, and yes, it may be edible, but it is the enhancements, the liberties that you take with the recipes, that create “your” dish. My family LOVES my baked macaroni and cheese. It is obligatory for me to prepare it for every holiday meal. The recipe is simple…noodles, cheese, milk, eggs, mustard powder, butter, and yet, if 15 people made the recipe, you would have 15 different flavors. It is that fact, that I wish to teach my children. I want them to understand and appreciate how they will never make “my” macaroni, because it won’t be me preparing it, but they can create their own dishes that their families will love.

Finally, today is the anniversary of my sister’s death, and I am sure that is the reason that my thoughts are centered around family and legacy. It is not as painful as it once was. I am able to celebrate her life in small ways, and hopefully raise her children to have a good life. They are wonderful kids, and I wish that she could see them and how much she lives through them. My sister loved butterflies, and so, to honor her life today, I am going to visit the Butterfly Estates  and have a private lunch there.

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