I feel as though I am throwing everything away, shedding possessions, people, situations, and more. It is becoming remarkably easy for me to do, and I wonder, when I am finally through this, where I will be.
I do not feel stress, depression, or even anxiety. Instead, I feel a calm serenity. (See Downsizing and Detaching - Goals for 2016!)
It is true, that there have been many changes over the past several years. When I look back over my life, I see drama and chaos, and I know that I must have been inviting it, even as I railed against it. I have always considered myself a "good" person. I have certainly made unkind, unethical, and dangerous decisions, though. I suppose my personal moral compass has been to never knowingly or intentionally cause harm to others. Sometimes, I have been successful, and sometimes, I have not.
I have been told that the path to Hell is paved with good intentions. While I do not believe in a fire and brimstone Hell, I do believe that Hell can very much plague us during our lives. If we send out negativity and pain, how can we not expect it to be mirrored back at us. I don't fear eternal damnation. I fear self-imposed suffering through our personal poor decisions.
I am facing a complete reinvention of myself. I have grasped for the stars, and I have had to face my own limitations. I bristle at people who counsel an acceptance of "reality," because I find that leads to surrender and lack of imagination. Reality is what leads people to accept a mundane existence in exchange for the illusion of security. The person that accepts a "safe" job, can just as easily lose that job due to downsizing, "right-sizing," out-sourcing, or being sold. A person that marries another for security can just as easily lose that when their partner falls prey to a younger, prettier, healthier person.My point is that, when it comes right down to it, we must to our ownselves, be true.
I am facing a complete restructuring of my life right now. My life looks little like it did even a few months ago. It is exciting, but it is also stressful managing the process. I am trying not to have anxiety about it, but I can't help having some. What will be gained by this? What will be lost? Will this be the right decision? I feel that I am burning away the excess layers of accumulated energetic waste, and what I will find at the core will be a strong, stable base from which to build again. I can only hope that this is the right decision. (See If You Had a Do-Over, Would You Take It?)
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