Adrenaline Junkie Craves a Fix

“Wave Crash Against With Rock Beach” by Keerati Have you ever waded into the ocean?

The water is clear and warm. At first, there are little ripples tickling your feet. As you wade deeper, the waves lap at your ankles and thighs.

You see starfish, sand dollars on the ocean floor, and minnows darting around.

As you tread further out, you have to jump up a bit as the wave crests, to keep your head above water. You feel the power of the wave try to knock you down, and the pull at your legs as the water recedes. You try to stay just at that spot where you can touch bottom, but still be mostly submerged. Then, a big wave comes unexpectedly.

Suddenly, you find that you can't touch bottom. The salt water splashes in your eyes, and up your nose, burning your sinuses. You cough and sputter. There is a moment of mild panic, as you try to get back where you can touch. Intellectually, you know you need to relax and ride the waves, but the primal urge to fight is forcing you to flail your arms about.

After a few minutes of furious (and ignoble) freak out, you finally feel sand under your feet again. You find that you were not, in fact, washed out into the deep, blue sea, and no shark is going to eat you. You realize that, despite your racing heart, it has actually only been a moment, and you are just fine. You are able to resume your gentle bobbing along.

I find myself at a moment like that. Over the past few years, my life has been actually as described. I waded into the ocean of new business, launching my children, and several big moves. It was scary, thrilling, exciting, dangerous, foolhardy, and treacherous. Now, it's mostly boring and routine. The small, disciplined part of my mind knows that I really need to stay the course. I have a plan, and I need to stick to it. I know that I often make a crazy move and lose all momentum and reward, right before I will get the big payout.

The thing is, I only feel alive when I'm fighting the good fight. I am an adrenaline junkie of the worst kind, and long periods of peace cause me to gain weight, get bored, and cultivate self-destructive habits. The problem is, I don't see my path. I have found myself at a place where I don't see any path that makes sense except the one that I'm on.

This caged tiger needs to roam...soon...    

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