What Do I Want?

Yesterday was not a very good day. Adam and I had had a fight the day before, and we were both in the post-fight, not- talking phase. I suppose it was a good thing because it gave me time to really think about what I want.

When faced with life without him, it brings a level of clarity to my thoughts. I very much wish to get a small RV. This would double as an escape for me, a place for my fans, and something we could take for small trips. I want something that I will be able to take Brutus and Honey in with me if I ever have to leave. I really want to travel out West again. I started thinking about whether I could relocate, and perhaps work a season or two in various places. I could be something like a gypsy, wondering where I would like until I am ready to settle down.

While that is still very interesting to me, we have made up this morning. I do intend to move ahead with purchasing a small RV as soon as it is feasibly possible, and I find one that I like. I told Adam this morning that I would like to drive out West sometime this Summer.

One of the things that I had thought about was my daughter. I know that she will not want to come with me, and frankly, she needs to stay in Florida until she goes to college. I do think that she will be very upset with me if I leave permanently, though. I also realize that at some point, Bradley and Suzy may be wanting to have a child.

The ultimate problem is that I have continuously stayed in my current situation because I don't want to be without Adam. I have put off many things that I would do were we not together. I have tried to mold his chatter about plans for the future into something that would work for both of us. He is very much in love with FL, though, and I feel a pull to the West Coast. I am hoping that a visit will satisfy me.

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