I have heard whispers in my heart since praying about my relationship. I hear the calling of my hometown. At first, I was wildly resistant to the idea. I walked away years ago, and had no interest in turning back.
As I have been sitting with the idea, though, I've felt a sense of nostalgia tickling my heart. I can't help but wonder just what it would be like to go back.
I think about how much I have changed in the years I have been away. I think about how much home has changed. I think about my friends that I have here, and the new life I could have there. Could I really do this? Do I really want to consider this?
I then think about the fact that we might reconcile again. We have taken a time out, and have withdrawn to our respective corners of the ring. We are essentially ignoring each other, and speak civilly when we must interact.
I know him. He will soften because he always does. We may well come together again...until the next time. Now that the passion that held us together for so long has cooled, we are faced with massive incompatibility. How can we rebuild on a foundation of sand?
I was thinking yesterday that we are at a point where, were we married with children, we might stay together for the sake of the kids. We have no marriage or children, though. I am faced with the realization that after all of this time, we may well be wasting each other's time.
If we proceed with a dissolution of our relationship, I know only that I want to be alone. I am tired of compromise. I am tired of, what I have come to call, the tyranny of men. I just want to work, get healthy - financially and emotionally, write, and learn to live alone. Perhaps, with a complete reset of my "self," I'll be open to pursuing a more balanced and compatible relationship in the future. If not, I'm fine with that, as well.
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