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Finding My Core Values

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I read an interesting article today where a woman was complaining about how she frequently fails to recognize a bad romantic choice until it is too late. The advice given was that she needs to define her core values and use this to determine what she seeks in a partner.  This led me to some internal soul-searching. I'm not in a quandary over romantic partners, but rather, what are my "Core Values?"  At the author's suggestion, I Googled lists of core values, and you will find it quite comprehensive. The one I settled on listed about 200, but there were others that were much larger. She recommended bringing that level down to about 5.

Here at last

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As I was writing in my journal this morning, I realized why I have not posted on my blog regularly in a long time. When I was going to Mozambique with the Peace Corps, for safety reasons, I began keeping a paper journal rather than a public blog. I suppose it has just become a habit at this point.  I am still struggling with the time change now that I am here in Hawai'i. I am 6 hours behind my family on the East Coast, and 12 hours behind my friends in Europe and Africa. With the help of well-timed Benedryl in the late evening, I have been able to sleep through the night, though I am waking ar earlier than I would like.  I am in quarantine until the 21st of October. I must admit, as prisons go, I cannot complain. My small studio apartment has lovely Frech Doors that open into a tropical paradise in my backyard. Our tall rock wall surrounding the property allows privacy, so I am able to leave my drapes open, and even open the windows when it is nice at night.  I am enjoying seeing t

Two Weeks to Go

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I have just over 2 weeks before I leave for my next adventure. I have my suitcases packed already, and I spent the day shipping some personal things to my new home. After sitting on my ass for the past 6 months, waiting for this nightmare Covid world to be done, I am ready for the change.  In counting my blessings, this time has allowed me to reconnect with my mother, my daughter, my sweet grandson, and welcome my beautiful new granddaughter to the world. I admit, like many others, that depression and general irritability has made me eat more junk food and drink more wine than I would like. The hot sun in SC and FL have prevented me from taking my daily 5 and 6 mile walks that I enjoyed in the Spring. Since being evacuated from Mozambique and dumped into this crazy world, I have felt lost and directionless. I have spent these months lamenting my lost trip to Germany and reunion with my darling German. The general separation from friends and lovers has hurt. I am left with a lingering s

A New Adventure - Saying Goodbye

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Since returning from the Peace Corps, I have struggled. The Peace Corps was such a wonderful and enriching experience that I didn't want to leave. I quickly signed up to go again. Sadly, we are in a Covid world right now, and there is no telling when the opportunity will open again.  Over the past 6 months that I have been home, I have undergone tremendous emotional and life changes. I have found myself examining everything and reevaluating my life. I have ultimately been detaching from everything.  I have two beautiful adult children who have granted me two wonderful grandbabies. I have cherished the time that I have been able to spend with my grandson and look forward to being able to visit my new granddaughter. It is gratifying to know that my children are adults now and living their own lives. I am proud of them.  It is also interesting to watch my parents as they age. I have used this time that I have been living back at home to reevaluate our relationships. It has been challe

WTF

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I am a 46-year-old grandmother. At no point in my life have I anticipated that this is where I would be right now. I have been living in a Covid19 world since March when I was called back home from Mozambique, Africa. For the past 5 months, I have been living with my mother in South Carolina, my daughter in Florida, and attempting to find a job.  Life makes no sense to me anymore. I do not understand why we are unwelcome to other countries. I do not understand anything. I have friends worldwide, and yet I cannot visit them. I cannot do anything more than send text messages.  What I have discovered is that we all, no matter what country we call home, the color of our skin, what religion we call God, or the language we speak, we all have the same goals. We want our families to be safe. We want opportunity and prosperity for our children. We want to be rewarded for the hard work that we do.  I am someone who has NEVER battled with depression or hopelessness, yet I find that I a daily deal

What Has Happened to my World?

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Nothing makes sense anymore. I don't recognize the world I am living in. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly.  Has it only been a few months since I was in Mozambique? I certainly had my challenging days there, but overall, I understood my mission. Since being back in America, I feel like I am drifting. I have been able to spend some time with my family, and occasionally visit with friends, but mostly, I am home.  I send endless resumes into the ether, and the only response I receive is, "thank you, but we decided to go another direction." I have never had a problem finding a job, yet here I am, unemployed, and hoping I can find something before my benefits run out.  I speak to my friends overseas almost daily, yet I have no answers about when or how I will ever be able to visit again. For the first time in my life, America is considered an unsafe place, and Americans are too riddled with Covid19 to be allowed into the countries of even our oldest allies. What happene

Confusion and Clarity

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And just like that, my Peace Corps service is over. It is certainly not the way that I saw it ending, but here we are. Covid 19 has forced us all to take a look at our lives and lifestyles. I will be forever grateful to the people of Mozambique for opening their lives to me and allowing me to be a part of it for this past year. There are so many things that I wanted to do, and now the time is over. The last week has been a blur with travel. I had to take a chapa (something like a van that is used for public transportation in Mozambique) from my site in Xai-Xai to the capital city of Maputo. The next day, I flew to Johannesburg, South Africa. Next was Johannesburg to Dubai, then Dubai to New York. The final flight was to my home in Charleston, SC. With all of the time zones, I have no real idea of how many hours I was actually in transit. Since being home, I have been in self-quarantine. I only leave the house to go on a daily walk/run for 5 miles (10km). I figure if I must b