Tactical Error? Yes, Tactical Error!
I should have known I could not keep it light and easy. Not enough time has passed. We haven't had the time to try out others. We couldn't look back with rosy glasses, just yet. Nope, we went from having nothing to do with each other for a month, to him essentially taking over again.
The problem is, I have been apart from him long enough to enjoy my freedom. I have enjoyed a new level of creativity and productivity. Spared the incessant drama and complaints, I have gotten A LOT done. It's felt great.
The question is why? Why did I give him the entrance he needed? Why did I not stop him? I certainly care for him, and without question, he is generous, helpful, loving, and a wonderful lover. Is that enough, though? Do I love him more than my freedom? Is this a phase?
Sadly, I see where this is heading. It is the same pattern we have carried for years now. Each time, the goodbyes get easier and the absences grow longer. Each time, I know it is for the last time. It definitely feels like it is over. Why, then, can I not just be done? What Karma links us? What need do we fill for one another? He is so unlike me that we cannot seem to find any common ground, except boating and sex. Beyond that, we irritate the hell out of each other. How many more times will we do this?
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