We Said Goodbye Today

We said goodbye today. It felt final this time.

A relationship rarely ends with a grand gesture. Usually it is a death by a thousand paper cuts.

It is the "helpful" critique of the meal that you cooked for them. It is the bored look they give you when you are telling a them a story. It is the compliment never given or received. It is the admiring glances given to strangers that you think are discreet.

It is every time that you asked for help, and it was not forthcoming.

I mourned our relationship when we split the first three times. My heart was in pieces when he left. But with every argument that ended with him moving out, a piece of me cared less and less. I know that it was his way of trying to gain the upper hand and get his way, but games like that no longer work with me.

I have told friends before that once the fairy tale is shattered, you can't go back. Once you know that Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny do not exist you can't believe that they do. Instead, you make believe and pretend for the benefit of others. I no longer wish to participate in the charade.

Goodbye, my lover.

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