Countdown To Freedom

I feel that I have gained more clarity over the past couple of days. I feel like my thoughts are clearer, and my goals are more formed.

Today, I had to play mommy. My daughter had an emergency at school, and I had to cancel appointments, reschedule, reassign, and run 30 mins out of my way to pick her up. My very busy day became a patch work of mini-sessions and doctors appointments.


My daughter is a senior in high school, and sometimes, I forget that she is still just a child. She looks so much like an adult...so much like me...it's scary. I want so much for her. I want her to grow. I want her to travel, learn, explore, and just take her time. Mostly, I want her to avoid making my mistakes. The problem is, though, that isn't how it works.

Once upon a time...seemingly a million years ago, I was also a senior in high school with absolutely no plan for the future but a vague notion that "someday" I would go to college. With my lack of focus, I married in my senior year, moved with my husband to CA, and had my first child at 20. I want better for her!

How do you trust your emotions? How do you know what to do when you know that your feelings will change with every encounter, every moon phase, every experience?


I "know" what I want from life, but then "life" happens! I have a vision of what I want in my life, but I feel myself pulled in multiple directions.

I feel like I want to purge all of the material trappings of my life and travel the world. I feel like I want a very monastic life, free to study and learn the mysteries of life. Then, my girlfriends suggest we go out for a night on the town, and my monastic existence is perhaps a bit more of a bacchanalian experience. Afterwards, I recuperate with my lover, and listen to his honeyed promises that sound so, so sweet. He pulls me in with his kisses and doting love, then I fight back to escape before I am consumed. I am angry that I would be expected to forgo freedom for love, yet I often allow my freedom to run to excess.

I am the type of person who has to see an idea in my minds-eye before I can create it. It really is quite simple for me most of the time. I am able to make connections between disparate parts, and come up with a plan that works. Once I have that vision, I am unstoppable.

I admit, though, that my vision is failing me now.


I have my daughter that is graduating high school in the Spring, and potentially moving out, which opens up my ability to downsize into a more realistic place. At the same time, I have my business which is plugging along just fine. I have a new person in place to help with the expansion, and things are getting ready for Season. I also have reconciled with my boyfriend, and he wants us to get a place together.

I received some disappointing news today. Apparently, the expected RV had some major repair needs, so it was sold. As upsetting as that was, I tend to be philosophical about these things. I have found that if things are meant to be, they will happen. Clearly, this was not my intended path.

It all distills into a moment. You look into one another's eyes, and you just know. You know that this one is the one that will change your life forever.

As you reach a trembling hand out to them, you know that, for better or worse, your future has changed completely. You feel such exquisite pleasure that you almost cannot bear the moment. Your heart pounds, your knees weaken, your body flushes, and you know your life will never be the same.

This is the moment that we all long for. We live and die for this moment. We kill and destroy for this moment. This moment is love.

It has been several weeks since my most recent mission ended. Since then, I have been out in the field continuously, trying to catch up with the times through an immersion study. It has been both delightful and utterly exhausting!

I have found that I truly love working with another female agent (or more), because it allows us the ability to canvas a larger territory and brings us fresh intel from multiple viewpoints. I do appreciate my fellow male agents, as well. They bring a rich perspective to the table, that allows for deeper penetration and insight into the available specimens. Their value is not to be underestimated or undervalued. Additionally, they provide incredible back up if a specimen gets too aggressive or intimidating.

One of the most difficult challenges of our day is trying to live a clean, sugar-free lifestyle. From a massage therapist's standpoint, sugar feeds inflammation and pain in your body. It also adds weight and bloating, which causes increased strain on your muscles and joints. Sadly, it is a very difficult endeavor to undertake.

Massage therapy is an excellent treatment for Fibromyalgia. Not only does it help to relax the body, soothing tense and tight muscles, but with continued massage, you can help the body become accustomed to touch which diminishes pain over time.

Massage therapy is an excellent treatment for Fibromyalgia. Not only does it help to relax the body, soothing tense and tight muscles, but with continued massage, you can help the body become accustomed to touch which diminishes pain over time. Attached is a great article.

Read more: http://fibromyalgianewstoday.com/2015/10/07/fibromyalgia-aggravates-pain-cognitive-capabilities-chronic-fatigue-syndrome-patients/

Kandace
Gracious Gaia Massage & Wellness, LLC
Owner, Licensed Massage Therapist

My newest book is available now on Amazon on Kindle and in paperback!
How To Massage Your Lover:  Create greater intimacy and deeper bonds with your Spouse, Lover, or Partner with the loving touch of massage.
Create deeper intimacy and bonding between you and your partner through the loving touch of massage. You will learn how to perform an hour long, full body massage just like the professionals.
Click here to order yours! http://amzn.to/2reYhZZ Author Profile: http://www.amazon.com/author/kandaceblevin …