Countdown To Freedom

There is a detached randomness to life. Raised Christian, I believed that God had laid my life before me, and when unexpected or painful things occurred, it was because it was His plan.

As I grew, I discovered my role in shaping my destiny. I had come to realize that my personal dreams, wishes, desires and beliefs shape the reality that I inhabit.

The path to hell is paved with good intentions. Over the past few months, I have thought about this often.

My daughter is flirting with adulthood. She is in that in-between phase, where she is not quite a woman, but long past being a girl. I find myself desperately trying to pour my words of wisdom into her, and simultaneously knowing that she is rolling her eyes at all of it. Such is our lot as humankind. We are surrounded by the wisdom of our elders, yet we must experience our mistakes for ourselves.

The Cage

No matter how gilded the cage,
It’s still naught but a cage;
And I, how could I willingly submit to captivity?

I refuse to be your magnificent beast
Hidden away in your den.
Does a lion not lose its eminence
When captured from its pride?
And is a little band of gold
Supposed to buy my soul?

If you try to force my love,
I will disappear,
And you will be left to wonder,
Was she ever really here?

10/10/95

I know I am a 42 year old woman. I know that I am white. I know that I have a college education. I know that I am a business owner. I am a mother of two grown children. Beyond that, I am lost. It is fascinating to me that in the span of a very few months, my life has been radically transformed, and faster than I ever could have imagined. I think about this often on my weekly drives from Fort Myers to Key Largo and back.