Broken Communication, Broken Love
I saw this video on Facebook today. I think it so perfectly illustrates what I have been struggling with for months now. My lover and I cannot communicate.
We "broke up" three days ago. We live next to one another, and my daughter has been in town, so we have spent time together, but we have not directly spoken.
Last night, I shared his bed with him, to allow my daughter to stay in my place. We were physically intimate, yet we still did not speak. This morning, I went to "my place" to make coffee and breakfast. He apparently complained to my daughter that I did not come over to spend time with him. Then, without a word to me, he left and has not been home since. It's been over 12 hours.
I have assumed that he went to the beach today, then maybe to Key West. He probably met some people. He may be having sex with someone now. He could be stuck in traffic. Maybe he's in jail. I don't know. Frankly, I have work in the morning, and just cannot worry about it.
We are forever struggling with missed opportunities to connect. He seems to have a narrative going in his mind where he builds a fantasy, and if I in any way do not live up to it, he freaks out and runs away. Perhaps it is his mid-life crisis, but he seems to think there is a world of women waiting for him, and I am holding him back from his true sexual potential with hordes of fawning 20 year olds. One moment (as in 5 days ago), he is talking marriage, and the next moment, he wants out. Frankly, I'm getting emotional whiplash.
I feel more at peace, because I have a plan. I have been waiting for him to say something. I have been waiting for him to do something. I have been giving him a chance to stop me from leaving. Maybe he just doesn't believe that I will. Maybe he thinks I will change my mind. Maybe he is finally ready to let go.
I could call or text him, but he could do the same. Wouldn't it be ironic if we are both waiting for the other to make a move. I've given him nearly 7 years of my life. Is it finally time to move on?
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