A blog about Peace Corps Mozambique, health, family, relationships, travel & love!
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The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Mozambique Government.
The Peace Corps‘ Mission
To promote world peace and friendship by fulfilling three goals:
1. To help the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
2. To help promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
3. To help promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.
I have started counting down my days until I leave for the Peace Corps. In many ways, I have done all I can do, so it is a waiting game. I work. I write. I occasionally go on a date. I watch movies. I try to pay off bills. I am the kind of person that hates downtime. I seem to live perpetually in the future, so it takes a colossal effort for me to slow down and savor the moment. I do love to take nature walks, but I detest the cold, so I have been home-bound a bit for the last month.
Adult Dating Is Complicated
I had a recent romance that was a revelation to me. He was a wonderful man, and I will forever be grateful to have met him. Sadly, our paths were not to continue for long, but the time that we had was intense and wonderful. Since our brief interlude, I have had a few epiphanies. One, I am redoubled on my commitment to leaving for the Peace Corps. I have realized that I was wavering on my plan because I was infatuated with him. He did not ask me to stay, but he certainly welcomed my desire to stay with him. It was fascinating to see that almost as soon as we ended, the confusion dropped, and I was as clear as ever. It was almost as if I had awakened from some spell.
Pleasing Others Above Myself
Two, I have realized that I have always lived my life to please others. I have held onto desires for myself, but I was always willing to abandon them for love and commitments. That was admirable when I was raising children, but at this point, it is just foolish. If I am ever going to experience what I want to experience, I must do it now. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Three, dating gets quite complicated the older you get. I have many opinions about why that is, but essentially I think it comes to this: we all have a past, and we all have lived long enough to have a good idea of what we want. We are also old enough to recognize that there will be life afterward if things don’t work out. Four, I almost unthinkingly fell into a traditional gender role with him. It was frightening how naturally I just allowed his life to take over mine. Part of the reason was that he was running multiple businesses and was always busy, while I am wrapping up my life here, so my schedule is a bit more flexible. I found I was very willing to follow his lead. I have realized that it is a pattern that is almost ingrained in me, and it was scary how it was almost an intuitive move.
Ready For Change
Finally, I suppose I am just ready for a change. I want to be yanked from my comfort zone and be forced to adapt to a new life. I want to get out of my head and do something worthy. I want to leave everything behind and redefine all that I am. The time is soon, and I am ready.
"Oh, my back still hurts," Jim groaned as he sat on the bed and bent over to pick up his shoe.
"Why don't you try a massage?" His wife asked. "My friend Carol swears massage is the only thing that can help her back pain."
Jim sighed as he tied his shoe. "I suppose I have tried everything else. The chiropractor says my back is fine, just the muscles are tight. My doctor gave me muscle relaxants, which I don't like to take, and our insurance only covered four physical therapy visits. Massage can't hurt my back any more than it already does, I guess."
I have been in Mozambique for three months now. I just finished my training and have sworn in as a Peace Corps volunteer. I have been keeping a journal since I arrived, but I have yet to blog about my experiences. When asked, I have had difficulty articulating my reasons.
To start, how does one honor a place like this? I want to convey the beauty and splendor of Mozambique, but I am here because there are very real challenges as well. I want to discuss the poverty here, but I do not want to engage in "poor-nography" and typecast a people who are so much more than Americans realize. I want to be cognizant of the dangers inherent in Africa, but I do not want to dishonor the incredible friends and families that have opened their arms and homes to me.
I walk around, a sole white person, an American, and realize the awesome responsibility that I have. I may well be the only experience they may have with an American, and I must be respectful. People stare at me as I walk around. …
One of the most difficult challenges for me in the Peace Corps is learning to live with discomfort and do it anyway. Every day, I am faced with the urge to just hide out in my house and avoid people. At least in my home, I don't have to worry about not being able to communicate, or risking people staring or laughing at me. I have worked myself into low-level anxiety over taking a chapa to town. I have mentally stubbornly refused to stand up in front of people for a palestra (health demonstration). I have mentally rebelled 100 times from a task, simply because I know it is new for me, and I will be stretching my abilities to try it.
The thing is...it always works out. It is never as bad as I feared, and I feel a great sense of accomplishment afterward.
Case in point, yesterday, I was sitting in my room and sewing. I was trying to figure out what I was going to do for the day, and wondering when and how I would meet children and start a youth group. I have been very concerned about th…
