A blog about Peace Corps Mozambique, health, family, relationships, travel & love!
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The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Mozambique Government.
The Peace Corps‘ Mission
To promote world peace and friendship by fulfilling three goals:
1. To help the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women.
2. To help promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served.
3. To help promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans.
I have started counting down my days until I leave for the Peace Corps. In many ways, I have done all I can do, so it is a waiting game. I work. I write. I occasionally go on a date. I watch movies. I try to pay off bills. I am the kind of person that hates downtime. I seem to live perpetually in the future, so it takes a colossal effort for me to slow down and savor the moment. I do love to take nature walks, but I detest the cold, so I have been home-bound a bit for the last month.
Adult Dating Is Complicated
I had a recent romance that was a revelation to me. He was a wonderful man, and I will forever be grateful to have met him. Sadly, our paths were not to continue for long, but the time that we had was intense and wonderful. Since our brief interlude, I have had a few epiphanies. One, I am redoubled on my commitment to leaving for the Peace Corps. I have realized that I was wavering on my plan because I was infatuated with him. He did not ask me to stay, but he certainly welcomed my desire to stay with him. It was fascinating to see that almost as soon as we ended, the confusion dropped, and I was as clear as ever. It was almost as if I had awakened from some spell.
Pleasing Others Above Myself
Two, I have realized that I have always lived my life to please others. I have held onto desires for myself, but I was always willing to abandon them for love and commitments. That was admirable when I was raising children, but at this point, it is just foolish. If I am ever going to experience what I want to experience, I must do it now. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Three, dating gets quite complicated the older you get. I have many opinions about why that is, but essentially I think it comes to this: we all have a past, and we all have lived long enough to have a good idea of what we want. We are also old enough to recognize that there will be life afterward if things don’t work out. Four, I almost unthinkingly fell into a traditional gender role with him. It was frightening how naturally I just allowed his life to take over mine. Part of the reason was that he was running multiple businesses and was always busy, while I am wrapping up my life here, so my schedule is a bit more flexible. I found I was very willing to follow his lead. I have realized that it is a pattern that is almost ingrained in me, and it was scary how it was almost an intuitive move.
Ready For Change
Finally, I suppose I am just ready for a change. I want to be yanked from my comfort zone and be forced to adapt to a new life. I want to get out of my head and do something worthy. I want to leave everything behind and redefine all that I am. The time is soon, and I am ready.
I have not been blogging about my Peace Corps experience for a bit. There were several reasons for this.
The decision to join the Peace Corps and go to Mozambique has been a deeply personal one, that has elicited conflicting responses from friends and family. I would be lying if I said that I have not had second and third thoughts about this. I am leaving my life for 27 months, and at this point, I am down to the final stages.
My bags were packed. I had everything ready to go. Everything was sold and all the bills were paid. I was flying out on Tuesday.
After an unexpected call from Washington, DC late yesterday afternoon, everything is suddenly on hold. I was shocked and have been processing the news ever since.
I now have to make some decisions. I am happy to have a few more weeks to spend with my loved ones, but I cannot do this for long.
I am thinking that I can afford one delay, but if this drags out too long, I will need to make some new plans. I will need to look into work, a vehicle, a place to stay. I will also need to consider long term decisions about the direction of my life. Do I stay in Charleston? Do I try to find a new career? Do I continue with the Peace Corps?
In many ways, I am in a great place. I literally have no baggage holding me back. I can absolutely craft a new path and design my life as I please. The question is, what will that look like? I have some meditation to do.
I have been sitting in literal limbo for three weeks now.
I was all set to ship out to Mozambique when the last minute delay due to visa issues derailed everything. Since then, I have been trying to calculate my next steps.
This has been frustrating because I have already sold everything, and now find myself between homes and without a car. I have been blessed to have a friend who has generously allowed me the use of his spare vehicle, but this is only temporary.
Our next departure date is set for 6 days from now, and it looks like there may be another delay, yet I have no details.
I have been pulled between wanting to just cancel everything and hoping this would just hurry and happen. I know that I can stay, although I will need to get a new car. This means I will have new financial obligations and need to return to full-time work. I have no issue with this, but I do not want to make a commitment only to back out.
I have been balancing on the edge, unable to make informed decisions …
