But We're Safe, Right?

I recently tested for HIV. I am pleased and unsurprised to say that I am sero-negative. The thing is, even though I had known that I was negative, there is always an underlying fear. I see it in the faces of the young people that come to the SAAJ clinic to be tested and receive contraception. It is a level of fear and anxiety and then palpable relief when they receive the good news of a sero-negative status. Sadly, I have also seen the shock and devastation of a positive result. Later in the day after I had been tested, I was speaking with my friend in the States. I told him of my HIV negative status, and we both chuckled as if there could be no other answer, but the awkwardness was there. I am a 45-year-old woman. I have been married twice and had numerous relationships over the years. I have not always practiced safe sex. As I was chatting with my lover, we chuckled awkwardly because we know that we were careless with each other, and we have been careless with other relat