Confusion and Clarity


And just like that, my Peace Corps service is over. It is certainly not the way that I saw it ending, but here we are.

Covid 19 has forced us all to take a look at our lives and lifestyles. I will be forever grateful to the people of Mozambique for opening their lives to me and allowing me to be a part of it for this past year. There are so many things that I wanted to do, and now the time is over.

The last week has been a blur with travel. I had to take a chapa (something like a van that is used for public transportation in Mozambique) from my site in Xai-Xai to the capital city of Maputo. The next day, I flew to Johannesburg, South Africa. Next was Johannesburg to Dubai, then Dubai to New York. The final flight was to my home in Charleston, SC. With all of the time zones, I have no real idea of how many hours I was actually in transit.

Since being home, I have been in self-quarantine. I only leave the house to go on a daily walk/run for 5 miles (10km). I figure if I must be on lockdown, I should work on rebuilding muscle tone that I have lost during my service. The Mozambican diet is carb-intensive, and protein is a bit harder to come by and very expensive.

I am facing a reevaluation of everything right now. With this global lockdown, my dreams and desires of living overseas are temporarily on hold. My plan to visit my darling in Germany was also brought to a halt. One day I need to write a book about this. It feels like everything is conspiring to keep us apart.

There is little to do but go back to basics. In this environment, I cannot find a new job, and I certainly can't return to massaging with a global pandemic going on. Securing another overseas post is not possible right now.

With my current captivity, it seems like the universe is telling me to finally embrace my writing. I have held a limiting belief for years that I couldn't support myself by writing. I know this originated with a well-meaning family who wanted me to "get a safe job" and find a job "with benefits and insurance." Such jobs no longer exist.

What is true is that my books are selling. With my Peace Corps service, I was unable to focus on it, but now that is done.

In a strange way, I love moments like this. They are transformational moments ripe with possibility. I know that there is absolutely no way that my life will return to any semblance of what it was before. That means that I can remake it in any way I desire.

Allow me to introduce myself: Kandace Blevin, Author.

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