A New Adventure - Saying Goodbye
Since returning from the Peace Corps, I have struggled. The Peace Corps was such a wonderful and enriching experience that I didn't want to leave. I quickly signed up to go again. Sadly, we are in a Covid world right now, and there is no telling when the opportunity will open again.
Over the past 6 months that I have been home, I have undergone tremendous emotional and life changes. I have found myself examining everything and reevaluating my life. I have ultimately been detaching from everything.
I have two beautiful adult children who have granted me two wonderful grandbabies. I have cherished the time that I have been able to spend with my grandson and look forward to being able to visit my new granddaughter. It is gratifying to know that my children are adults now and living their own lives. I am proud of them.
It is also interesting to watch my parents as they age. I have used this time that I have been living back at home to reevaluate our relationships. It has been challenging learning to adapt to them and renegotiate the parent/child boundaries.
I have also had to reevaluate my personal relationships. At my age, I have had many partners who have made their mark on my heart. Some have remained. I have found that it is unnecessary to have a firm break away when the relationship has ended. Just because a relationship is unworkable at a given moment in time does not mean that you must forever banish them from your heart.
With that said, I owe it to myself to free my soul. The older I get, the less inclined I am to pursue relationships. I am content with myself. I am content being alone. I appreciate peace and quiet. I also must admit that I fear losing myself to a relationship. I fear that if I "found love" I would willingly and happily give up my freedom and throw myself into something, only to one day wake up and wonder what in the hell happened.
I do not fear being alone. I do not long for a lover. I have people that are special to me, and our love will remain a beautiful, crystallized memory. That is sufficient for now.
And here I stand at the precipice of a brand new journey. After 6 months of boredom in a cushy cage, I have finally found a new job. I will be starting work in Maui in a couple of weeks. I have already bought my plane ticket and secured a place. I am packed and ready to go.
As I have been considering this move, I am faced with the opportunity to completely remake my life. I have no ties to the area, so there will be no old habits, old friends, old lovers, old memories. It is the perfect opportunity to choose healthy habits. It is the perfect chance to reinvent myself. I have been thinking about what that means.
I have also been thinking about what I want to do wth the rest of my life. I want to learn to scuba dive. I want to learn to paddle board. I want to travel overseas at least twice a year. I want to do yoga every day.
I also have financial goals. I have worked independently for years, but now I will be working at a traditional job. I will have "benefits" like health insurance and a regular salary. At my age, I suppose it is time to start focusing on retirement goals.
It is a time for renewal, and I am ready for the next chapter.